Chris Meller

[hold music] “We are currently experiencing unusually high latency, which may result in longer than average hold times. We appreciate your patience! Please stay on the line……” [cue hold music again]

Welp, I discovered when I got back to work this afternoon after lunch that my server was having some… issues. A few traceroutes later, and I see that as soon as it gets inside my ISP’s network, response times jump from the 40 - 60ms range to the 1200 - 1400ms range. Not good.

I submitted a support ticket, along with my traceroutes, 3 hours ago. It’s been referred from the normal network technical support people (who usually spit back an answer saying they’re having such-and-such a problem and it’ll be fixed in a few minutes) to the “Network Engineering” department, which scares me……….

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I know I did. I got far more coding done than I really expected to, and started on my first WordPress theme, which, with a little luck, you’ll see here soon!

In case you haven’t seen it on Slashdot or Digg, or any one of about 15,000 blogs this morning, Google has released a statistics package to further their internet domination.

I, for one, welcome our new statistics-tracking search engine overlords. I welcome them so much, I’ve written a WordPress plugin (already) to support their service!

So if you’re ready to start testing the Google Analytics service (assuming you can get their page to load, it’s hammered), just follow these simple instructions:

1. Dump add-analytics.php into your wp-content/plugins/ folder.
2. Activate the Add Analytics plugin in your Plugins panel.
3. Enter your User Account in the Options->Google Analytics panel.
4. Wipe hands on pants, wonder if that’s really all there is to this, and wait for those stats to come rolling in!

As always, this plugin seems to work for me, but your mileage my vary. If you run into any problems, please let me know in the comments here, or feel free to drop me an email!

UPDATE: Forgot the screenshot of the new version of the management page! Be sure to check the end of the post!

As promised, here’s a new updated version of the Akismet plugin I’m working to update.

Current Version: 1.06b2

Changes

• Display of the comments was changed again to a more friendly (I think) look and feel.
• URL was abbreviated (30 characters), since lots of my SPAM has horribly long fake URLs.
• Comment type was added to the display (comment / trackback / pingback / etc.).
• Post ID (w/ link) comment was made on added.
• User email changed to link for easy access.
• Comments now listed seperately, not grouped by author (Very much still in testing! Please let me know how this seems to work out!)

Still To Come

• Email notifications when something’s “quarantined”!

As always, let me know if you have any requests, if you run into any problems, etc.

Screenshot

Since I’m obviously not the only one who hates the Akismet plugin (mainly because it doesn’t actually show you the comment it’s blocked), I decided Hell, why don’t I do something about it instead of just bitching about it?

Well, I did.

Attached to this post you should find a new and improved akismet.zip. Just replace your existing akistmet.php file in wp-content/plugins with this version and you’re good to go.

What did I change?

Well, I added the contents of the comment to the Management panel of Akismet. Now whenever a comment gets blocked, you should see the actual contents on a row below the other info (IP, etc.). I haven’t been able to test this yet, because I don’t get enough SPAM to reliably do this on a regular basis. It’s a very simple change, so I don’t expect too many problems. The only possible problem I can see is which contents it will pick when there are multiple SPAM comments from the same user (ie: the “count” is > 1).

In order to let Matt track stuff more appropriately, I also changed the User Agent string to spit out the Akismet version as “1.06b” (“b” as in after “a” and as in “Babble”, get it?).

If you have any problems with these changes, please let me know. Also, any suggestions are welcome. I’m not really sure the best way to display all this information on one page, so layout ideas would be nice. Any new features you’d like to see in this plugin? I can’t make any promises, but I’d be happy to do what I can…

I was just leaving work, about a block down the road (Congaree Rd. at Patewood Dr / Halton Rd for those that know the area). The light on Congaree turns yellow and the Toyota 4Runner (read: pussy wanna-be SUV) in front of me shows no indication of stopping, so I decide I’ll be a little balsy and take a hard yellow to make my right, hoping I’ll beat some traffic if I hurry.

As the 4Runner crosses the white line, apparently a car turning from the opposite direction had decided they were going to go now that the light was yellow… nevermind the 2 oncoming cars that are still doing 35mph.

The 4Runner slams on the breaks and horn and comes to a dead stop blocking the right-most of two lanes of traffic. I follow suit a split second later… Unfortunately, I happen to be a foot or so behind a large metal plate a work crew has left in the middle of the intersection for over a week now. The brakes kick in just in time for me to hit the metal plate and go sliding an extra 6 feet, before the rear brakes kick in and manage to slow me to a stop, barely 6 inches off the rear bumper of the 4Runner.

Now that the asshole who decided he was going to turn has gone on and made it half a block down the road and the light has been read for several seconds while traffic going perpendicular to us has started turning, the small pickup truck behind me has stopped well behind the white line, allowing about 3 carlengths of room for me to back up. I throw it in reverse and retreat behind the white line, but the 4Runner in front of me decides just to sit there… still blocking the right lane of traffic.

I’m sitting there, wondering when the driver of the 4Runner is going to get the point and throw it in reverse to let traffic pass, when another truck pulls up beside me in the turn lane. Both of our windows are down, and the passenger of the truck strikes up a conversation. When you’re reading this dialogue, remember that both guys in this truck are big burly construction workers (as evident by the myriad of power tools, etc. in the back of the truck):

Passenger: At least you had the sense to back up! They’re just going to block traffic! Me: (shaking my head in disgust) That damn moron! Driver: It must be a woman! Her depth perception is off! Me: Nope, it’s a guy… But he’s got a woman with him, maybe he got distracted. [The truck beside me scoots up a few feet.] Passenger: (staring and starting to drool) Damn, what a woman! Driver: (also staring) Yeah, I’d sure as hell get distracted by that! Me: Yeah? Maybe she can come back here and make it up to me… Passenger: Hell, it keeps you from getting bored… Me: Heh, I guess you have to keep it interesting somehow… [Turn light turns green, they pause for a few seconds.] Passenger: Welp, nice talking to you. Driver: Try not to keep it too interesting! [We all laugh and they drive off.]

It was by far one of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had in traffic… But hey, you’ve gotta keep life interesting somehow, right?