Before we get started with today’s topic, I’d like to welcome everyone to Incoherent Babble. That sentence was probably the last sincerely kind thing you’ll ever hear me say on this site. If you want horridly pleasant ass-kissing, I’d like to refer you to Apple’s website [apple.com]. OK, enough? On with the show!!

Have you ever noticed that for months on end, it seems as if no one is interested in you romantically, and then, all of a sudden, you find someone who is, and it suddenly seems that virtually everyone you meet now shows some form of unusual affection towards you?

Is it a simple matter of perspective? Could it be that you suddenly have a new found sense of confidence? One person likes you, of course everyone else must as well!

Or could it actually be cosmic karma? The planets have aligned, you’ve found a date, and hundreds of people are suddenly throwing themselves upon you.

This is the question we ask ourselves this week on Dr. Meller. Before we all go out and start buying bodyguards to help ward off the impending mass that is womanhood before they can smother us with their wonderful loving, we need to take a step back and examine the situation.

Is it really that we suddenly feel an enhanced sense of confidence from the affections of one glorious date, or is there actually something not quite as logical as it seems about this situation? Do we as humans strive and yearn for acceptance, particularly when it comes in the form of affection from the opposite sex?

Many people out there (most notably a certain Jamaican wanna-be (*cough cough* Miss Cleo!)), believe in astrology. Astrology is the “science” (which can be taken with varying degrees of seriousness) of the stars, or the study of the planets’ position and direction relative to a certain celestial body (either the Sun or the Earth, depending on which variation we’re talking about) and its potential influence on a natural organism.

According to Dr. Percy Seymour, the Principal Lecturer of Astronomy at the University of Plymouth in the United Kingdom in his book “The Scientific Basis of Astrology”, the alignment and positioning of the planets Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune can, in some small way, affect the solar cycles of the Sun, which in turn affect the electromagnetic field of the Earth. Confused yet? Good. Anyway, the point is, the alignment of these planets does have the potential to affect the human brain when still in developmental phases in a baby fetus. Dr. Seymour believes that the changes in the electromagnetic field of the Earth can play a part in establishing some of the basic inherited personality characteristics of the child at birth.

While Dr. Seymour’s research indicates that celestial bodies can possibly have affects on the brains of human fetuses, but doesn’t provide any indication that this can alter the behavior of fully grown and developed human brains, so we’re not talking wolf man or werewolf stuff here, but it’s an interesting consideration none-the-less, particularly considering most astrology predictions involve dates of birth of both parties involved in the relationship.

Whether you believe Dr. Seymour’s research and hypothesis or not, you have to admit that while a bit far-fetched, his theory is at least plausible. Will we actually ever find the true answer? Probably some day, but not likely in the near future.

We’ll skip over the next logical car on this train of thought: destiny. There are probably more people in the world that believe that there is that one perfect person out there for you, your one true ‘destiny’ than there are that believe in the compatibility of astrological signs. However, since this topic is likely to spark heated debates no matter where it’s read, not to mention the material for an objective review of the matter would fill an entry 10x the length I intend for this one to be, as well as the personal opinion of the author clouding the reviews objectivity, we’ll forgo anything lengthy here and simply move on to the other side of our relationship-deciding fate coin.

Now that we’ve investigated the scientific view point, why don?t we look at the (I suppose) less logical mode of thought: human emotions and perception of the world around them.

I’ve personally asked myself the same question we?re asking now many times before. I’d go for long periods of time without seeming to see any type of interest from any women in my life. Then I’d finally get a girlfriend and all of a sudden not only am I on a new emotional high (How can you not be? You’re not single anymore. You’re better than everyone else.), but it also appears to me that all the girls I used to drool over that showed no return interest in the past are now fawning all over me, when I’m not even paying them any attention.

Well, pick up any relationship book, read any article on how to get a date, or talk to any marriage counselor or your local shrink and they’ll tell you that the old saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ is 100% true. When you’re constantly smothering someone with affections and begging them to go out with you, not only is it degrading and down right shameful, but it also gets annoying. When you’re suddenly gone, obsessing over your new girlfriend for a change (which will probably be the reason you two break up as well), these people you’ve been drooling over in the past suddenly realize what they’re missing when they don’t have you around all the time. Your absence truly does make their heart grow fonder. Now, that’s not to say that when your new girlfriend finally dumps your pathetic clingy ass that they’ll suddenly leap into your arms professing their undying love for you, but that’s really not what we’re trying to examine here. We’re simply trying to figure out if it’s true that everyone seems to want you when you finally end up in a relationship.

OK, so you didn’t like Meller’s 1st Theory of Dating? Well, we’ll try to formulate a 2nd theory and see if you believe it any more?

So maybe you didn’t like the last theory because it involved a corny cliche that constantly annoys you now. Well, we’ll try to avoid those this time around. Meller’s 2nd Theory of Dating involves simple perception on the behalf of the poor unfortunate soul who has found himself drug into a relationship that is bound to fail (most likely due to his own inadequacies). In this theory, we hypothesize that everyone appears to be madly in love with you the instant you finally find your pathetic ass a girlfriend, simply because of the delusional state of euphoria brought on by a (temporary) end to your long search for a companion of the opposite sex.

In this delusional state, you are under the impression that you can do no relationship wrong, so to speak. You’re on top of the world and you see the best in every situation (damn that silver lining!). Therefore, it always seems that these women are in love with you, even when they’re doing something as simple as being polite. No, that wasn’t a special twinkle in her eye. NO, she didn’t wink at you just then! Oh FFS, she really does just want to work on that science project Saturday night!!

Alright, so none of Meller’s Theories of Dating actually involve any kind of scientific proof or research of any kind, but you know you love them anyway. Besides, it makes much more sense than Dr. Seymour’s research does.

Fine, as a first entry this turned out to be a little less light-hearted and funny than I’d intended. For some reason when I was writing it today (at work, by the way), I got into a very psychoanalytical mood and decided to take a cold hard look at the subject. Well, you see the results?

I promise that my next post will be a more light-hearted view of whatever subject it happens to be on, but it’s safe to expect these serious melodramatic posts here and there. It just depends on what kind of mood I happen to be in whilst penning my masterpiece!